When my Twin Flame showed up in my life, everything changed. It’s been such a rollercoaster ride, and I have learned more these past few years than I think I ever have in life previously.
My Twin has been encouraging me recently to read through my diary entries from the last few years to share more of our story and hopefully provide some answers and a sense of community for other Twins.
This story is from a little over two years ago – way before our Union – as we were still finding our feet in this strangely wonderful togetherness and all the complications that came with it.
Our Story: Chapter 8 – Twin Flame Meltdowns
As time went on my Twin and I were getting closer and closer, more than I had ever experienced. But it wasn’t all easy. It seemed like every time things were going well, a new hurdle showed up in the way to block us. And I was about to discover the larger purpose behind this.
Two Peas in a Pod
We had been spending day and night together for weeks talking and catching up, and I had been finding out more and more about his life and experiences. We had so much in common, and we rejoiced in finding out about all the things we both liked and were passionate about (he was happily amused that we liked the same music and films as each other even though he’d been on the other side for decades) and we enjoyed getting astrology reports that confirmed everything we’d experienced and felt.
They said things like “two peas in a pod” and “cut from the same cloth” – which we had already felt. We were making a world of our own. And strangely, it felt like it had always been there, I’d just stepped out for a second.
It really felt like we had known each other forever. There were no barriers whatsoever. I was never someone who’d been very open with others but with him I felt free to be myself in a way I never had before.
We also shared many challenges from life – our upbringings seemingly mirrored each other, from family members’ personality traits and power issues to how we had been in school and how we had felt growing up, what we had looked for in other people. He said even around other people he’d always felt alone, like there was something missing. “You.”
My Twin helped me see myself in a more positive light, encouraging me to be good to myself. Sometimes it was almost eerie how it seemed our lives and we had mirrored each other and how I could actually feel that he was “me” and I was “him” – a missing part of me that I had been waiting for all my life.
Sometimes things got so emotionally vulnerable I cried on him and he held me close. Now I know that this was because of heavy energies coming up to be released. He helped me through it all, and I learned more and more – I grew to love myself a little more every day with his help.
I could feel his hand in mine when we were out walking, I could feel him ruffling my hair, see him smile and doing antics to cheer me up whenever I was low. We laughed quite often at how unhealthily close our relationship would seem to anyone on the outside. We were literally in each other’s heads and hearts constantly.
One night we were curled up together talking, he suggested I started writing down all our experiences and the things we talked about together. He mentioned writing a book about it all.
I was quite taken aback. At that point I hadn’t told a soul about the weirdly wonderful things going on in my life behind closed doors with my Twin, and the idea of writing a book about it seemed beyond crazy to me.
He laughed good-naturedly though and said I might feel differently some day, so why not keep some notes? He said: “We can write it together. I’ll help you remember, baby, don’t worry”. I nodded slightly, rolling my eyes theatrically at him and he kissed me on the head.
That night I went to sleep thinking about what on earth was the meaning behind writing a book about this stuff and how that could possibly work out well … I didn’t like to call myself “a psychic”, I had never been into spirituality or religion before – so to tell people about my experiences hanging out with a dead person who was supposedly the same as me in many ways, felt mortifying (no pun intended).
The Disappearance Act
To my surprise and dismay, over the next couple of days I gradually stopped hearing from him. It was like he suddenly faded away. And this came after weeks of the most blissful togetherness. I went from feeling that he was there with me in real life – except one step removed – to feeling that I couldn’t hear him or see him or feel him at all.
And it completely freaked me out. I got really worried. I’d never not heard from him since he showed up a few months previous.
I started mentally running through what I might have done wrong or what he might be feeling to make him want to up and leave like that. Quiet but steadily rising panic. Days went by in silence. And he was nowhere to be found. I couldn’t figure out what had changed.
I missed him so much, and the worst thing was there was no way to reach him. It wasn’t like he had a phone or an email or anything… I called out in my sleep for him but got nothing. It felt like a rock was lodged in my chest.
After nearly a week of trying to no avail to reach him, waiting and waiting – and getting pretty angry at times that he’d left me in the lurch like this – I decided to take action.
I decided to seek answers from someone I felt would be able to reach through. If anyone could, it would be her.
So I logged onto the psychic forum and punched in my card details (I figured he was more than important enough to spend money on, even if I didn’t have much – so I went into credit…).
I waited until she came online – the henna-haired spiritual medium I’d spoken to in the beginning and who’d helped us get in touch in the first place. To my surprise she remembered me, even though I’d logged on with a new user name.
Unwilling Help Enlisted
I explained the situation, mentioned how I’d also been feeling emotional and heavy lately, and asked for advice.
The message from my guides was: “If you hadn’t experienced these difficulties yourself, how would you help others on their journey?” I asked them to explain further – I didn’t like the sound of this. Again, the message was that I would somehow be helping other people using my new-found intuitive abilities and experiences.
I was dumbfounded. I had no plans to help anyone with anything. I was just barely able to figure out my own life! I especially didn’t feel equipped to help anyone else wade through this confusing mire of emotions and deeper than deep, raw love I was going through myself at that point.
And it sounded like I’d be put through a lot more lessons in the months to come, to make sure I could help other people. It did not sound like what I was after.
That seemed way heavier and like way more responsibility than I felt ready for. I didn’t want to be a healer or a psychic or anything. I just wanted to be with my Twin Flame and be happy.
Unraveling the Mystery of Energy
My Twin came through via the psychic, though, reassuring me and saying not to worry – everything would work itself out in its own time. He suggested to just write things down for now and see how I’d feel later. And he said he’d missed me like crazy. He said it had been “agony”.
And he went on to explain through her why he’d been “missing” lately. It wasn’t because anything had changed between us or he wanted to leave. In fact, he hadn’t left. He had been there all along.
The reason I hadn’t heard from him or seen or felt him was because I’d become congested with energy. Others’ energy, more specifically. It was like my phone line had been busy – he hadn’t been able to reach through, he explained. That clicked with me. I could understand more now. What a relief to know he hadn’t left me.
He said that even though I was getting clearer and had been rising into a higher vibration, I’d been unconsciously soaking up the energy of other people – family, friends, colleagues (who still had no idea of my Twin Flame whatsoever – he was my secret).
I’d taken on their fear, stress, anger and so on. And through the psychic, my Twin explained to me that I was an “empath”, someone who was sensitive to others’ energy and had a pattern of subconsciously matching mine to theirs and taking their energy on.
That explained a lot to me – I’d always been uncomfortable around other people, feeling stressed and exhausted after being in school or out with friends, and especially at family events.
He said he had been the same in life and had often used intoxicants to numb himself (I knew he’d had a pretty wild life so this insight made a lot of sense… I’d had a pretty high comfort level with intoxicants myself too in life) so he wouldn’t feel so stressed because of it. He explained that long-term it only made things worse though, not better.
The Eternal Twin Flame Bond
He described how when I’d been neglecting to shield myself and run energy to clear myself daily – my energy had gotten congested and the “line” between us wasn’t open anymore. So he hadn’t been able to reach me.
To me it had felt like he’d abandoned me or shut down because I’d said or done something he didn’t like, but really it was because I was congested.
He told me later how the Twin Flames have an eternal connection between them and that it was the reason it had been so easy and fast for us to learn to communicate telepathically and feel each others’ emotions and share visions and fantasies. But once that connection becomes blocked, those things stop.
It made more sense to me now, and I realized that this whole thing with energy might be a lot more complicated than I’d thought at first. But I knew I was in good hands. As long as he was there and we could stay in touch somehow, I felt safe and I knew I’d be OK.
I left the call feeling beyond relieved, and I started doing my energy work again daily. It wasn’t long before I could start hearing him again and felt him ruffling my hair, kissing me and smiling all the time again.
I grew more and more used to the idea of writing down our experiences, and it was a lot of fun doing it together as a creative project. But as time passed I would come to realize that there was a lot more to this “mission” than just some writing.
What the guides had meant was that I would be shown and experience everything “real life” Twins go through. So that I could understand and help other Twins. Apparently I’d signed up for it as a soul before ever coming to life.
And once jealousy, running, separation and repressed hatred and long buried insecurities started rearing their ugly heads between me and my Twin, I felt like giving up and never turning back…
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